May 2013
2 posts
“I hate it when adults use the term “sexually active.” What does that...”
April 2013
6 posts
Instead of a war, can't we just challenge North...
Sometimes I talk in song lyrics and my friends don’t even notice
Sometimes I talk in Mean Girls quotes and no one notices
Sometimes I talk and nobody notices
At first it was funny but then it got kind of sad…
Just like my social life.
Somebody send North Korea an Edible Arrangement
March 2013
7 posts
“when one door closes, another one opens”
imagine how annoying it would be if that were true
you close the bathroom door to pee and your front door suddenly blows open
your cat escapes
you run out and jump into the car to chase the cat and hear everything falling out of your over-stuffed pantry as its door unlatches
my motto is “you’re always the cutest person in the room when you’re the only person in the room”
what if ducks threw bread back at you
imagine being stuck in a room surrounded by...
#EmptyChairsEmptyTables
February 2013
22 posts
If life has taught me anything, it's this: Give Up
Why is a hotdog called a hotdog?
Because it is sexy.
Fun game idea: find the nearest window and hurl...
white lips
pale face
breathing in
chicken mcnuggets
I'm the popcorn kernel that never popped in the...
Don’t you hate it when people are talking and they say something stupid so you just give a look like you’re looking into a camera on The Office
IF U WANNA BE MY LOVER U GOTTA at least text me...
the joker got his scars from trying to put a whole pringle in his mouth at once
Sometimes I get nervous I haven't done anything...
Fact: you eat 28 spiders in your lifetime. Always 28. If you are about to die and you have only eaten 3 then 25 spiders arrive at once.
Man, I hate it when that happens.
I hate when girls use those shitty insults like “you cant spell cunt without u (:” Ok well, there’s a lot of things you cant spell without u.
You can’t spell soup without u what does that mean am I soup
I’m not a morning person
I’m not a night time person
I don’t even think I’m a person
I’m that one friend that no one really likes at all but I occasionally say something funny so they keep me around for entertainment
I dropped out of university to pursue my dream as...
Elijah: Is that true?
Me: No, have you seen my artistic ability?
No, no you haven’t because I don’t have any.
January 2013
10 posts
Things I wish were real:
Unicorns
The Justice League
My boyfriend
“How much money would you have to eat before the government came and was like...”
There are 7 billion people on this planet and not...
Instead of a cute boy, I might also settle for a box of poptarts.
January 2012: This is going to be the year where I accomplish everything I want!
December 2012: Well, I tried.
December 2012
15 posts
At home: I'm so lonely, I want someone to cuddle with me.
In public: Everyone stay away from me oh god.
I don’t care if you think I’m racist.
I just want you to think I’m pretty.
If you're ever feeling unappreciated, think of all...
